Garbage Day: “He’s Just Not That Into You”

Written by Shawn Lotte July 25, 2011

Welcome to Garbage Day where I, Doctor Lotte, will talk about things that I don’t like, and some things I do, but mostly I will talk about shit. Relax, enjoy and don’t forget to take out your trash.

Today’s Garbage: He’s Just Not That Into You

Yes dear readers I went to see this shit, but I must be honest with you: I wanted to see it. The cast looked great and the trailers looked funny, but when I went into the theater to see this, oh man, I could not believe what transpired before me. PROGRAMMING OUR MINDS! You read correct, this movie was made to program us and to insult our intelligence. I couldn’t figure out what the point of this movie was other than to tell young women how they should act in certain situations. For example, the main character Janine (played by Gennifer Goodwin) is a borderline stalker who is looking for the right man, but I did not understand what she was looking for except all the men she dated in the film had money. She could’ve gone after an average guy who works in a factory who is caring and loving, but NOOOOOO she keeps dating douches who are in the dough. Eventually Janine goes after Justin Long’s character Alex, who again is average looking, but that doesn’t matter cause guess what he’s got? Yep. MONEY! He owns a bar and that’s what pretty women want right, a guy who has money? Right? Well that’s what this movie was telling me.

This is what she does for 30-40 minutes of the goddamn movie. They should've given a principal role to that damn phone.

How about Jennifer Connolly’s character, who is more obsessed with her husband’s smoking than his philandering. Her character becomes so crazed that the audience does not know if her husband was in the wrong for cheating. Maybe the smoking is a metaphor or something, but chances are her husband was smoking when they met. If she really wanted him to quit that badly then she shouldn’t have married him, because what’s that rule about relationships again? Don’t go into a relationship thinking you can change someone, because YOU CAN’T!

"So you slept with another woman, but let's back up a sec, YOU ARE STILL SMOKING! GET THE FUCK OUT"

Finally, and my personal favorite story in the film, is Jennifer Aniston’s character, Beth, who is living with her boyfriend Neil (played by Ben Affleck). Here is what the movie tells me: Neil does not want to get married because it is something he does not believe in. He has the right to believe what he wants, just like some believe in waiting to have sex until marriage, (right Edward Cullen you ol’ Catholic vampire). Beth does want to get married, surprise, but has been in the relationship for many years without getting married. Well shit hits the fan and Beth tells Neil that it’s marriage or break up; Neil takes the break up. He is hurt but he sticks to his beliefs, which were known from the very beginning of their relationship. (Remember that thing I said about changing someone?) So the movie goes along and they make up and decide to make a compromise, a very mature adult compromise, which makes them both happy. That should have been the end of their story but NOOOOO FUCKING WAY! Got to play to that bullshit romantic shit that tells us that it’s not ok to stick to one’s beliefs, no no no. The only way to be happy is to get married, and that’s what happens. Neil puts a ring in his laundry and has Beth find it (a bit odd huh?). Beth finds the ring and he proposes, and that’s when I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT IN THE THEATER!! I shouted so loud that I almost got into a fight. I was pissed, and I wasn’t the only one. The lady beside me was pissed too, and we both ranted about what we just saw. I thought this movie was about people getting together and learning to love in different circumstances, not the same clichés over and over again.

 

This movie was an insult to anyone who believes in mature adult relationships. I feel the movie was programming those who watched it into thinking the same romantic bullshit that they have been feed for so many years. It may sound a little concocted, but look at the movies we watch and notice a few things: a happy ending is marriage, not common law. A happy ending is divorce when one cheats, not talking about it. Happiness is money, not compatibility. I was hoping for a film that would present different perspectives on relationships, but instead I got a movie about men playing to the romantic whim of women even when it would only hurt their relationships more in the long term – because you KNOW Neil will resent Beth forever after they get married.

This is a fucking shit film, and I just threw it in the trash.

Love, Shawn Lotte

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