Garbage Day: Summer Bibbidi Bobbidi Blues!

Written by Shawn Lotte September 06, 2011

Welcome to Garbage Day where I, Doctor Lotte, will talk about things that I don’t like, and some things I do, but mostly I will talk about shit. Relax, enjoy and don’t forget to take out your trash.

Today’s Garbage: Summer Time Fun and Movies.

See what Bob the Builder here doesn’t show you is that working construction in the summer is not fun. It's hot, and if you're installing fiberglass insulation then good fucking luck.

 

YES! It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Summer is over, fall is almost here, and the heat is gone for another year (Fuck yeah poet!). A little something you should know about me is that I hate the heat. HATE THE HEAT! If you ever want to see me in a bad mood, see me after an 8-hour day at my job in a warehouse where it’s +10 to whatever the temperature is outside.  FUCK SUMMER, but I digress.

Today I want to go over some of the highlights of the summer movie line up. What were the ups, downs and reach arounds of the summer? Let’s quit this chatter and get to the bottom of it.

 

Look at these movies. Look at them. Only some of them are good, but which one? WHOOOOOOO!


The Ups!

  1. X men: First Class was easily the best film of the summer. Now I know you might have liked the flashy colours of bigger budget films, or “Harry Potter” because you sold your soul to J.K. a long time ago, but First Class WAS the best movie of the whole summer. I know it’s a superhero movie, and yes it’s just another summer blockbuster, but it did something every movie of the summer was afraid to do: put the story before the spectacle. The characters were great together, all performances (except January Jones) knocked it out of the park, and Mathew Vaughn is quickly becoming the go-to guy for great action movies. The blu ray comes out on September 9 (a Friday I know, but whatever buy it anyway).
  2. Freddy Kruger is a playable character in “Mortal Kombat 9.” I know this isn’t summer blockbuster news but it did happen during the summer, and the Nightmare on Elm Street movies came out during the summer soooo WHATEVER! It was a highlight for me to play my favorite horror icon in a fighting game I love, and this also shows you how little I liked the summer movies. Seriously though…FREDDY WHOA!
  3. “Rango” came out on blu ray and I really liked that movie. Fucking great movie.
  4. I read some good books this summer. Some novels and some graphic novels. Here is a list:
    1. Novels: The Girl who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson. The Strain and The Fall by Chuck Hogan and Guillermo Del Toro.
    2. Graphic Novels: Spawn 1-12. The Mask Volume 1 (yes The Mask that was later turned into a movie with Jim Carey – look it up). All of World War Hulk and Invincible by Robert Kirkman. (I think this was my favorite thing of the summer and you should all go read it.)

This is from the comic Invincible. It was written by the guy who wrote The Walking Dead and it is amazing. Read it boyos.


The Downs:

  1. Transformers: Dark of the Moon had the worst title and was the worst movie of ever. Well no, it isn’t the worst movie of all time, but fuck man, it was really fucking bad. I did not understand the choices in this film. (SPOILER ALERT DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE ABOUT THIS SHITTY MOVIE!!!!) Why did the Autobots leave the planet when it meant millions would die? Why the hell did Optimus kill Megatron after Megatron saved his life and they made a truce? What the FUCK IT WRONG WITH THIS MOVIE!!!
  2. Every movie was the same. I am not kidding. It felt like every summer movie was the same, and as a result, most of them tanked at the box office. Thor was the only one to get a little bit of money but that was because it was first. Then came Green Lantern, then Captain America, then Cowboys and Aliens. Although C&A was different, the movies still felt the same. Same boring story twists, same boring love interests, same overuse of CGI and 3D!. Nothing felt authentic in any of these movies and moviegoers became savvy to this. I did too, but I still saw these damn movies. (I actually liked C&A but it still felt like a run of the mill summer movie. Oh well).
  3. August is still the “dump month” for a lot of movies. This summer had one glimmer of awesome in a movie called Fright Night and no one went to go see it. Shame really, but for all the things that were shitty this summer, people not seeing a really good movie was one of them.
  4. Future summer movies look like shit: The Amazing Spiderman looks like shit because it’s the same movie AGAIN! The Avengers looks like shit cause it reminds me a little too much of The Fantastic Four with their lame costumes and sets that look a little too comic book. The Dark Knight Rises does not look like shit, but Bane kind of does.  Battleship is going to sink Hollywood (see what I did there?).  And of course there will be tons of remakes like, Total Recall and sequels like, MIB 3 and G.I. Joe 2 to keep us pissed off.

NO NO NO NO NO! Well maybe? Fright Night was good right? So maybe? NO NO NO NO NO

 

That’s it for another Garbage Day. With this summer of movies being shit, and the future looking like shit, I don’t know what to hope for. If Hollywood continues their path of shit movies then we may see another cinema crash like they had in the 60’s, but that’s an article for another day.

Love, Shawn Lotte

P.S. here is a trailer for the Original Total Recall.  Look how awesome it is. DON’T DO IT HOLLYWOOD!

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