I am the One%! Protesting Awful Movies

Written by Eryl McCaffrey November 10, 2011

With The Occupy Movement filling downtown parks and city streets all over the globe, I’ve got protest in my soul and crappy movies on my mind. I sometimes feel as though I am that 1%, but maybe not in the
sense that you’d assume. I am the 99% in the sense that I’m as broke as a joke
and destined to struggle in the piggy bank for a long time to come. And yes, I
do agree that there is a large and unjust gap between the excessively wealthy
and the struggling majority. But right here, right now, I’m talking about being
that small majority who sees a ‘glorious’ blockbuster and can’t understand what
all the fuss is about. If you agree these three films are put up on the movie
pedestal and ought to be knocked down, let us join hands in peaceful protest
and let us change the world!!! ( or maybe just the film industry).

3)    Friends With Benefits/No Strings Attached:


I put these two movies under one heading because, let’s face it, they were carbon copies with a minor difference in leading actors. I didn’t expect either films to blow me away but, I did assume that I might get my annual rom-com fix if I stared at the screen long enough. I was disappointed. Mila Kunis lost major points in the hot, cool chick category for playing a desperate, boy hungry A-type with a really high-pitched voice. And, Justin Timberlake…he has to give up the acting gig and go back to signing, or just hide in a hole like Saddam did for all those years, I don’t care, he just needs to disappear. The Natalie Portman/Ashton Kutcher pairing was slightly more bearable to watch on screen, but echoed the storyline of countless friend–turned-lover storylines we’ve seen before.  It was way too cheesy and a waste of my measly dollars.

2) Horrible Bosses:


I can hear the boos already, but hold onto your horses. This movie took the phrase ‘all star cast’ to another level.  But, incorporating all the different character plots into one cohesive storyline was not the director’s forte.  There were a few laughs along the way, but the film fell flat in the end. I only stuck it out because I love It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s Charlie Day so darn much.  Jennifer Aniston was convincing as a sexual psychopath, but other than that I wasn’t really interested in any of the characters in the story. It should have been called What a Let Down. Yet, it did ridiculously well in the ratings and remains a mainstream movie-goer favourite.

1)  The Twilight Saga:


These pale faced dreadful actors inspired a chain of equally trashy vampire movies, shows, tee-shirts and dolls and it’s sucking the life out of me. If I have to dodge one more life-sized ‘Edward’ cardboard cut-out at the mall I’m going to lose it. The films are mediocre at best, the cast less than impressive, and the script does nothing for a group of ‘actors’ that can barely read, let alone, deliver a convincing line. I am counting down the days when I will not have to be reminded of Bella’s hairy beast/fang-toothed love triangle.  Sadly though, I have a feeling Twilight and its offspring will be overstaying their welcome on the big screen for a little longer. These flicks rake in a ridiculous amount of dough in the box office, which means they’ll keep a’comin.

So with all of this in mind I say we must stand together, make our voices heard, and chant loud and proud for better movies. Join the movement and start your own protest. Change the state of the film industry! It can’t be that hard…right?

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