Movie Review: “Geostorm” – Brave the Boredom

Written by Eduard Sviridenko November 07, 2017

geostorm

Geostorm is a disaster movie (both literally and figuratively) from Dean Devlin, who repeatedly collaborated with the father of the genre, Roland Emmerich, and decided to sit in the director’s chair for the first time. He managed to attract such actors as Gerard Butler, Jim Sturgess, Abbie Cornish, and Ed Harris. Apparently, things didn’t quite go according to plan at the final stage of production. The studio had to bring in Jerry Bruckheimer to help out. He and his team tried to save the film, but the dead can’t be brought back to life.

After an unprecedented series of natural disasters that hit our planet, the leaders of world powers joined forces to create an extensive network of orbiting satellites to control climate to prevent natural disasters. But (surprise!) something went wrong. Now the Earth is in danger as the program has malfunctioned, and humanity is threatened with total extinction.

“This wasn’t a malfunction, it was intentional.”

Well, nothing new. If you watched some of the Hollywood disaster movies, Geostorm causes you inevitable deja vu. The plot here is cliched to the maximum, so you have a feeling that you’re watching every single catastrophe movies at once. The main hero is a scientist and engineer, who himself built a huge ISS and a network of satellites of the Dutchman system, which allows controlling the climate of the whole planet. However, it turns out that the system is being intentionally used to destroy cities.

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The thing is, the idea itself of Geostorm is not hopeless. It WAS possible to make an intense movie. Climate weapons are almost never explored in the cinema, and the very idea of the existence of such a powerful tool that can both save and destroy millions of lives faster than an atomic bomb is already quite fruitful. Too bad it got stuck with Dean Devlin.

“Someone has turned the system into a weapon.”

He doesn’t even try to make Geostorm interesting, or just doesn’t know how to do it. From the very beginning of the film, the characters are put in trivial positions with terribly boring scenes and terrifyingly atrocious dialogue. There are no complex characters; all of them are created with two or three traits. Yes, no one expected a disaster movie to turn into a masterpiece, but who knew it could be that insanely boring, stereotyped and empty? Geostorm takes itself too seriously, and it becomes a huge problem.

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Unfortunately, Geostorm not just bombs, it bombs as a disaster movie. What are the main components of a catastrophe film? A spectacle of the collapse of civilization, the destruction of cities, the death of millions, a feeling of total despair – all those wonderful things. Does Geostorm deliver any of that? Not really.

“They’re trying to change the map of the world!”

What’s worse, in all this madness, the actors look like lost children who came to an adult party. Andy García and Ed Harris don’t seem to understand where they are at all. Gerard Butler and Jim Sturgess act out a dull conflict of brothers, which would look more convincing on a kids’ matinee. A small fraction of diversity is brought only by Zazie Beetz, who plays a hacker: she got both working jokes.

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I can’t recommend Geostorm to anyone. Even if you’re accustomed to the craziness of disaster movies, want to admire special effects or just want to watch a phenomenally horrible movie and have a good laugh, stay away from this film. It does not offer any of this. All Geostorm offers is unbearable boredom. Might as well just go and re-watch 2012 instead.

My Rating: 4/10

geostorm

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