Film Article: An Open Letter RE “Unforgettable”

Written by Jeremiah Greville April 27, 2017

Unforgettable

(Spoilers for Unforgettable below)

Dear Warner Bros. and DiNovi Pictures,

Make. The sequel. A comedy. Make the sequel to 2017’s Unforgettable a comedy. Seriously.

That final shot of Cheryl Ladd looming over Isabella Rice while Rosario Dawson stands horror-struck nearby — that was to set up the sequel, right? Yeah, I know what you’re going to say, that it was just a cute way to end the film. Sure. You weren’t trying to set anything up. Sure. We all believe you. Despite the reviews, the box office, the stupid meaningless title, and the film itself, I think that Unforgettable deserves a sequel. Heck, I think it deserves several.

Let me remind you what Unforgettable is about: Katherine Heigl plays the insane jilted ex to a sexy perfect man whose name isn’t important. That man is currently dating a super cool woman played by Rosario Dawson, whose defining trait is her super coolness. Their marriage announcement flips Heigl’s sociopath switch and soon enough she’s destroying Rosario Dawson’s life through Facebook. People die, people get haircuts. There’s a violent stalker. It’s a whole thing.

You need to make the sequel, and you need to make it a comedy.

Because while Unforgettable isn’t a good movie by most standards, it has all the ingredients for a deliciously bad film. Not a poorly made film, but a bad film. A guilty pleasure film. A tawdry, steamy, plays-at-2am-on-basic-cable classic. The thing is, you haven’t gone far enough to get there. And unfortunately, you probably never will. That’s okay, because there’s another option. Embrace the camp. Embrace the ridiculous. Turn the dial all the way to stupid and break the damn thing off.

It won’t take much work — you have most of the pieces already. Keep the same cast, same writers, same director, but add a new writer, editor, and assistant director with comedic sensibilities to push them in the right direction. So when Heigl gets visibly aroused by evil Facebooking, have her play with a knife or a gun while she does it. Call the website she’s using ‘Evil Facebook’. Maybe give her an eyepatch. When Rosario Dawson fails to explain things to her husband, have her try sign language. Pictionary. A really loud bullhorn. Maybe get the husband to take his shirt off more often.

The nice thing here is that YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE CREATIVE. Go for the obvious joke. Make the movie you want to make, just forget all subtlety this time. There’s no reason a bad movie doesn’t have to be good. Be bad. Embrace the bad. If Katherine Heigl’s character died at the end of this movie, give her an evil twin sister for the next one. Maybe triplets for the trilogy. Rosario can murderize her way through the whole evil lot of them while her husband just looks hot and supportive in the background.

unforgettable

Now, while I think the sequel should be a comedy, I DON’T think it needs to be re-worked for male viewers. This is a movie by women for women, and the sequels should follow in that regard. So when I say that the perfect fantasy husband should take his shirt off more (and he should!), it’s with the understanding that his female-equivalent is already overly-objectified in mainstream films, and this would be a cathartic counter-balance. He should bring flowers home to Rosario Dawson in every scene. He should prepare heart-shaped baked goods with Rosario’s face on them. And since it’s an erotic thriller, there should be at least one shot of Heigl standing in the rain, jealously watching them through their bedroom window as they make love. Because why not?

Unforgettable could be a killer comedy franchise. A loving spoof of erotic thrillers that functions as one of the better examples of the genre. So far, it’s not terrible, but it could be genuinely great. Your cast is solid, and Heigl and Dawson deserve another shot at the material. Just go for broke and forget the boring buildup. Focus on the fun stuff. Unforgettable is already a pretty funny film, but it’s not intentionally funny. You can claim all you want that the humour was on purpose, but you know and we know that it wasn’t. Embrace that.

You don’t have to choose between unapologetically bad and intentionally funny. You can have it both ways!

And heck, just for the fun of it, here’s a quick pitch for the next one: You’ve already set up Cheryl Ladd as the antagonist of the sequel, so run with that. The inciting incident can be Heigl returning as her twin sister, trying to insert herself once more into Rosario Dawson’s life. As Ladd tries to destroy Rosario’s life from within (as revenge for her dead daughter), Rosario will spend the movie suspecting Heigl of all the nefarious deeds. This lets you unite Heigl and Dawson in the end as allies when all is revealed and they team up to take on Evil Grandma. But here’s the kicker: you end the movie with the arrival of Heigl’s OTHER twin (TRIPLETS!), a third, completely evil sister to be the antagonist in the third movie.

It’s obvious. It’s cliched. And it gives you everything you need to replicate the first film in comedy format. Throw in some sex and drama and you’ve got yourself a movie. If you succeed, you might even have a franchise. And then the series might live up to it’s name.

This isn’t a joke. I honestly believe a comedy sequel could make all the difference. You just have to take the leap, and trust yourselves to have fun with the genre. C’mon. Do it. Get down with your bad self.

Make the sequel to 2017’s Unforgettable a comedy. You won’t regret it.

Sincerely,
Some Guy on the Internet

Unforgettable Poster

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About Jeremiah Greville

Jeremiah Greville is a pretty rad beard that's attached itself to a human face. The beard likes movies, television, comic books, and gentle finger rubs. The human likes pizza and sleep. When they work together, they write reviews. Hope you enjoy them!

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