There are few things I like more than laying back, suspending reality, and watching endless swarms of men run single file to their inevitable demise. Sprinkle in mythology and a beautiful female lead and you have “Vikingdom”. Knowing my love for all these things I decided to watch it, despite Malaysian producers and a cast lacking any Viking resemblance what-so-ever. I was pleasantly surprised. Not a pleasant surprise like an old friend arriving, and not as pleasant as finding a twenty dollar bill in your jeans; it was more like farting in a crowd and it being blamed on the guy who just left. It still stunk.
The plot of “Vikingdom” is extremely simple – sit and wait for the next battle to begin. It kicks off like most epics; our hero is in a self inflicted state of disrepair until the gods themselves demand his action. When Thor attacks the kingdoms of man, the god Fray comes to Eirick and tells him he must be the one to save mankind. It is revealed that Eirick was the mortal lover of the goddess Freyja, and when he died on the battlefield she brought him back. This incident left him an undead, where he’s able to enter and return from the underworld. He must do just that to retrieve the horn of Odin and stop Thor from releasing past horrors.
“Even a god can be stopped.”
This is the Norse “Clash of the Titans”. First the hero gathers a less than reputable crew (Bernard “the killer of women and children”? Come aboard!), then journeys to find the wisdom of a mage. The wizard takes them to hell’s gates but, of course, our hero must go alone. He enters the demonic place to retrieve a holy object of great power. Should the artifact fall into the wrong hands, it would be used to release giants and end the world. Well, you know how it all goes from there. However, this was more than just almost “Clash of the Titans”, it was almost “300”, a little “Star Wars”, and I even detected a hint of Overly Attached GF Stacy when the siren-orgy-guards propose he “stay with them… Forever.” It all amounted to an orchestra of clichés glued together with blood. Luckily there was a lot of blood. The glue held.
THIS IS SPA-Vikingdom! Release the Krak- er bobble headed T-Rex! Lu- Eirick I am your father.
Putting aside the familiar tune of “Vikingdom” there was plenty to enjoy, plenty like “Kraft Dinner” feeds plenty. They held true to feel of Norse mythology, even if breaking a few of its ‘facts’. Unlike most action movies these days, our main character and his crew did not feel the need to fight naked (well, not every time); however he did need a thorough greasing from Brynna before swimming to hell. The fighting was done well and gave the “That guy got fucked!” moment we all know and love.
Besides the overwhelming feeling of déjà view while watching “Vikingdom”, small things distracted me from the story even more. The special effects were blatantly obvious or reminiscent of an age before CGI proficiency. The entire movie I found myself concerned for our female character Brynna, who must have incredibly thick skin to last so long wearing a bikini in the snow. I also can’t understand why hell looked like a laser tag arena with a mechanical, bobble headed T-Rex. The flaws were near and close between. How could you remain a Christian while watching Norse gods walk the earth? How come no one looks like a viking? Where did the karate kid come from? Why did Malaysians make a viking movie? Why couldn’t I have just waited for the sequel to “300”? The list goes on.
“I have to blow this horn at the face of Thor”- You have to do what? Where?
At the end of the day I enjoyed this movie like giving blood, you see some gore, have an excuse to eat, and help a few people by sitting still for 2 hours. Yes, help people, with “Vikingdom”’s early reviews watching it should be a tax rebate. In the end, like Eirick, I do manage to leave this journey with a moral learned; it is always good to have a wizard.
My Rating: 4/10