I’m not quite sure how to describe “We’re The Millers” – wait actually I am: this movie is really bad. It has some nice family moments at the end, but it’s just flat out not funny. At all. There are very few actual jokes in this movie, and what jokes exist are just immature “ohh man this is sooo messed up!” shock scenes for dumb people. The gag reel during the credits is funnier than this movie.
“We’re The Millers” is about a sleazy drug dealer guy who is forced to transport a bunch of drugs across the Mexican-American border. In order to avoid suspicion he hires a group of various delinquents to pose as his fake family.
We’re the Filler. Haha, nice.
So there’s lots of problems here, but by far the most unforgivable is that it’s unfunny. Plain and simple. How unfunny? Well, the opening of this movie is old YouTube videos. I’m serious. They aren’t in the background either; it’s just a full screen of outdated viral videos. With the little YouTube watermark in the corner and everything. That should tell you everything you need to know about the quality of comedy here. The jokes the movie actually comes up with are just incredibly forced “gross-out scenes” or immature cynicism. Most of it is just “man, we sure are smarter than you DUMB average Americans!” The film tries to be daring and subversive, but it just comes across as pointless and childish. This movie is a thirteen year-old boy who thinks he has everything figured out and that everyone is an idiot except for him, and that’s not even getting into the absolutely PAINFUL Jennifer Aniston striptease. It’s some of the most awkward stuff ever put on film. Jason Sudeikis even looks directly into the camera, shrugs, and smiles as if to say “Well, what did you expect this to be?”
Things are not helped out by the fact that our lead actor, Jason Sudeikis, plays a totally detestable main character. What should be a lovable underdog is instead just a pathetic donkus. He has no ambitions, is constantly rude to everyone, and is just all-around awful. Why should I be rooting for him? Why do I want to see him succeed? I guess he said he “doesn’t sell drugs to children.” Oh. Gee, that’s a pretty low bar to clear to be considered a good person, movie. In other notable performances we get Nick Offerman as a less funny Ron Swanson, and Ed Helms as a less funny Andy Bernard. It’s all terrible.
Semi-Saccharine. Man I’m on a roll today.
Even just as a story it’s not very good, and is filled with conflicts that arise, only to be immediately ended in ways that either make no sense or are just vehicles for more cheap “offensive” gags. I will give it credit though: when the extremely obvious thing happens, and the group realize that through their shared experiences they’ve become a “real family,” it was actually not that poorly executed. I mean, you hate every single one of them for putting you through this film, but still, it was kinda sweet. It almost tricked me into thinking the movie had a heart.
All in all, someone clearly sat down and said “We want a darker, edgier version of The Griswald Family Vacation movies.” And it sucks. It’s lazy, cheap, immature, and hopelessly unfunny. Don’t see it. Never see it.
My Rating: 3.5/10