Movie Review: “Drive Angry” (IN FU#$ING 3D!!!!!!!!)

Written by Shawn Lotte February 28, 2011

Quick Movie Review of Drive Angry IN FUCKING 3D!!!!!!!!


 

SPOILER WARNING! Seriously, I ruin shit in here so don’t read and get mad at me.

 

By: Shawn Lotte

 

Summary: I don’t want to give too much away because the trailers do a good job of keeping the story under wraps. With that said, I will give you a rundown of what you know: Nick Cage plays Hair Piece, who escapes hell in order to find a great hair stylist for his thinning hair. Along the way he hooks up with Amber Heard, who was in a TV show or something, and the two stop a crazy cult and battle the devil, or his minion, or death… I don’t know what he is but he is played by the awesome William Fichtner. AND HE IS SUPER SICK!!!! Oh and Nick Cage’s hair dies at the end of the movie; see what I did there? Dies? Hair dye? Whatever.

 

PROS

–       This is a well-made, fun, and entertaining piece of schlock. It’s not one of those “it’s so bad it’s good” movies. It’s a movie that wants to show cool shit happening and make you have a good time and damn! It is it a good time.

–       WILLIAM FICHTNER IS AWESOME! No really. See it for him at least because everything he does is worth the price of admission.

–       The action is pretty good with some good explosions, gunplay and gore. If you are into gore, this movie has got plenty. It still tends to shy away from some things, but that’s the MPAA for ya.

–       Amber Heard is hot.

–       Nick Cage isn’t that bad, and when he is trying to act well it comes off as sincere. There are moments when he gives a line that’s so shitty, but he makes it fucking hilarious. For example: he grabs the waitress by the neck, kisses her, and says, “I asked for sugar.” Fucking awesome.

–       Billy Burke plays the head of the cult and he brings some evil joy to the film. Funny how he makes shitty roles into awesome ones (I’m looking at you Twilight).

 

CONS:

It’s in 3D.

Actually the 3D wasn’t too bad. At least it worked, but still paying more money for a darkened picture is bullshit.

Some special effects are shit, and look unfinished. CG blood, car and body parts flying towards the screen, and composite shots that look more fake than when Luke fought the Rancor in Jedi.

Nick Cage and his hair. Why won’t he accept a fucking wig?

There are some confusing moments in the film that make you ask: “What the fuck?” An example would be the aforementioned moment with the waitress. Why does he grab her arm, then her throat, and the kiss her. I don’t get it, but who fucking cares because she had big boobs.

–        There were these fucking asshole douche fuckers who talked through the movie. DON’T FUCKING TALK DURING THE MOVIE.

 

OVERALL:

I really enjoyed this movie. It was a fun ride that kept me entertained through most of its insanity. Nick Cage didn’t ruin it and Amber Heard gave it an honest go with her performance. All in all it’s worth your money, even if it’s extra for the 3D. Oh and you should totally see it for WILLIAM FUCKING FICHTNER! The team of director Patrick Lussier and writer Todd Farmer are tackling Hellraiser next so let’s hope it’s not in 3D and William Fichtner plays Pinhead. FUCKING ARIGHT!

 

Rating: 8/10

Love,

Shawn

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