Oh, to be struck by Cupid’s mystic arrow. To know the good fortune of having one’s heart leap from their chest in search of its counterpoint in another. For there is not a stronger, more powerful, or more glorious privilege known to mortal man than to know the terrifying highs and sorrowful lows of romance. And on occasion the gods play absurdity when deciding the fate of our humble souls, pairing freak and brute creation in madness inducing couplings. Oh love, thou art a heartless bitch.
5. David & Nicole (“Fear”)
It’s so satisfying when that irrational paranoia that every father feels regarding his daughter’s new boyfriend actually pays off. David seems to be the perfect man for Nicole; he’s handsome, polite, funny, built like a brick shithouse, etc. He does seem to have a bit of an anger problem though, and it doesn’t help that he deals crack with his three equally psychotic roommates. When Nicole decides she needs a bit of space, David comes knocking with a fire axe. This is the romance every girl dreams of.
4. J.D. & Veronica (“Heathers”)
Young romance is purest love, I’d say. Now J.D. may not be as perfect as David. His introduction to Veronica involves public humiliation and gunfire. However, they’re obviously smitten with each other and immediately go to work thinning the herd of their senior class by staging suicide after suicide. Of course this leads to a few shootouts, poisonings, and a rather large explosion Oh, to be young again.
3. Dexter & anyone (“Dexter”)
Dexter isn’t your average forensic analyst. Between his day job and his moonlighting as a serial killing vigilante, he doesn’t have much time for romance. Somehow, he trudges on. Putting aside his years long relationship with Rita, the mother of his child, Dexter has courted numerous women in Miami and the surrounding area, most about as stable as he is. Whether his love interests be normal or not, his own sociopathic nature leaves him incapable of engaging in a non-twisted romance.
2. Aileen & Selby (“Monster”)
These two aren’t just two of Hollywood’s most twisted lovers, they’re real-life people. Aileen and Selby meet at a bar and immediately hit it off. Aileen, a prostitute and Selby her loving housewife. After failing to scrape together an honest living, Aileen turns to murdering and robbing her johns. This leads to disagreements, heartache, and a death sentence, as is often the case in these sorrowful tales of love. There’s not much more to be said about these two. Reality is oh so much more twisted than fiction.
1. Spike & Buffy (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”)
Buffy is a vampire slayer. Spike is a vampire who has killed two slayers in his time. Spike has tried to kill Buffy on multiple occasions. After years of being arch-nemeses, these two launch into one of TV’s most unlikely, unthinkable, insane, romances in history. What begins as a crazy psycho-sexual arrangement eventually develops into mutual respect, understanding, and dare I say, love. These two shouldn’t be allowed in the same room let alone the same bed. Now that’s twisted!