Top 5 Christmas Movies Not to Watch with the Family

Written by Rachel Ganzewinkel December 21, 2012

bad_santa_2003It’s that special holiday season again folks. The houses are lit up and have cute decorations of reindeer and snowmen, the malls are filled with colour coordinated red, white, green, and gold merchandise and the stores play the most annoying versions of Christmas carols on repeat for 24 days straight. But all of those things are family-friendly. Many of the Christmas movies on broadcasting stations’ line-ups are family classics like “Home Alone”, “A Christmas Story”, and the billion-and-a-half made-for-tv movies Hallmark makes for this most wholesome of seasons. Actually (not to burst your bubble) this season has its dark spots. There have been many filmmakers who decided to shove a big middle finger at Christmas spirit and made movies just for jaded adults who have seen how Christmas is not that magical after all.

5. “Santa’s Slay” (David Steiman, 2005)

One of the more violent Christmas movies

So in this, Santa’s a demon. Yep. That big, jolly head-elf the children love and the parents thought they totally made-up (after Coca-Cola sold him as a concept first), is really a demon who lost a bet with an Angel and had to give toys and be nice and shit. But when the bet is over he goes back to being a terrible demon, or just a demon I guess because aren’t they all supposed to be terrible? Doesn’t that just sound like a movie you could curl up on the couch in your snuggie with a nice hot cup of peppermint hot chocolate?

4.  “Black Christmas” (Bob Clark, 1974 or Glen Morgan, 2006)

Black_Christmas

Nothing screams holiday spirit more than the screams of girls during the holidays, right? Well in this ‘fuck you’ to Christmas, sorority sisters are murdered after a stranger starts picking them off one by one in their house on one of the holiest of holidays. What a gem.

3. “It’s a Wonderful Life” (Frank Capra, 1946)

Life doesn't look so wonderful here, does it?

Life doesn’t look so wonderful here, does it?

This movie literally had no real associations with Christmas until someone decided it should be. Just because it takes place around Christmas it really isn’t a Christmas movie. It’s about a man who’s grappling with depression and meaninglessness when an angel shows him what it would be like if he never existed. Fucking sad if you ask me and not really all that awesome for family viewing on a cheery holiday where it’s all one can do from keeping those crazy relatives everyone has from drinking and crying too much already.

2. “Love Actually” (Richard Curtis, 2003)

love actually

This movie is cute by the way but there’s no way it’s appropriate for children. It follows the lives of 8 couples with intermingling stories during the month leading up to Christmas. It has nudity, sexual situations, jokes about sex, prostitues and adultery…so lots of sex stuff. Also swearing. So, all in all, not good for kids, but amazing for everyone 18 and over.

1. “Bad Santa” (Terry Zwigoff, 2003)

one of the more vulgar christmas movies

Don’t see this with any family members. Just…don’t. Unless you have a really close, open family, then go right ahead, but it’s on par in the uncomfortable factor as watching “The 40 Year Old Virgin” with your parents. It’s about a man and his friend who pose as Santa and an elf as they rob stores on Christmas Eve. There’s sex, swearing, and Billy Bob Thornton. It’s crass-ly funny and there’s Billy Bob Thornton and good ol’ Bernie Mac. Just watch it with friends maybe because…you know…Billy Bob Thornton.

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About Rachel Ganzewinkel

Rachel loves movies and writing and has found the perfect amalgamation in writing movie reviews for We Eat Films. In between movie watching and the real-life world of work, she enjoys tea, reading, writing, and wearing over-size sweaters (while occassionally doing some of these simultaneously).

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