“Allen Gregory” Review-…It’s Just The Worst. The Worst.

Written by Spencer Sterritt November 23, 2011


You have to wonder how much heft Jonah Hill’s name carries these days. A few years ago he was a crudely bright rising star in a string of excellent supporting roles. And then Get Him To The Greek premiered, and it is all down hill from there. With The Sitter and 21 Jump Street approaching, and looking terrible, it seems that Jonah Hill has lost most of his credibility.

Allen Gregory, his new show, destroys any and all credibility he had left. There is no coming back from it. It is forever going to be one of the darkest, most hate filled marks on television history. Years from now, television audiences will look back nostalgically and say “Remember Allen Gregory? Man that was terrible.” And then they’ll laugh at how miserable Jonah Hill became after Allen Gregory failed and disappeared.

If this does not happen, then there is absolutely no justice.

Did you laugh even once?  Thought so.

There’s a slapdash of plot here and there, but all that matters is that Allen Gregory grew up home schooled, and now he’s going to elementary school because his parents have money troubles. And he is unbearably pretentious. And for some strange reason the moment Allen Gregory (who must always be referred to as Allen Gregory, not just Allen) sees his overweight 70 year old principal, he falls head over heels in love and tries to woo her in all manner of creepy ways. It’s practically impossible to not feel like you’ve been covered in grime and filth after watching even the before credits sequence.

The writers try their damnedest to make Allen a sympathetic character (I’m only going to call him Allen just to spite him. Who cares if he’s fictional; he is just that annoying). No one at his school likes him. Sometimes he cries in the washroom, he has to drink from the toilet once, his one true love ignores him, he only has one friend, a hamburger gets thrown in his face, etc etc.

Doesn't He Just Look So Sad?

But none of that matters because it is impossible to make Allen a sympathetic character because he has not a single redeeming quality, and neither does the show. Allen is mean to absolutely everyone, and treats everyone as an underling. The show is mean to every character, and seems to be under the impression that a grown male being humiliated in front of an audience by his clearly sociopathic partner is funny (and that it’s always going to be funny so they do it every ten seconds). It does not even have personality! Everyone runs around but everyone runs around the same as everyone else. I’ve never seen a show more packed with stereotypes.

Allen is the kind of character who will say something like “Hey Dad, do you think the kids at school will like me? I mean not that I care,” or “throwing out a random hypothetical to you, let’s say that there’s a new kid in school and on paper he should be killing it but for some reason the other kids don’t like him, why do you think that would be?” as if that is going to make us feel sorry to the the little shrimp of a prick who talks down to everyone when he needs a ladder to even see eye to eye them?

What A Prick

This review, which I offered to write, has more thought put into it at 1:30 in the morning, than the first four episodes of Allen Gregory have combined. Also, for some stupid reason Fox has decided to pick Allen Gregory up for six additional scripts.

I was originally going to give this show a zero, for all the reasons above, until I thought back to a couple of lines from Allen’s adopted sister that made me chuckle. After that, I was going to give the show a 2 out of 10. That was until I remembered that Keith David, Leslie Mann, and Will Forte are in this show and are totally under-utilized, and I re-watched the pilot so I could find quotes. After that, I decided on a negative score. It’s the only appropriate score.

My Rating: -2/10


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About Spencer Sterritt

Spencer Sterritt

Spencer Sterritt: former Editor-In-Chief for We Eat Films, future President of the Men With Beards Club, and hopefully candidate for ruler of the world.

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